


#94 Truth or Dare

by baekedaelights, krispy_kream



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-22
Updated: 2019-08-22
Packaged: 2020-09-24 00:54:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,504
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20349661
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/baekedaelights/pseuds/baekedaelights, https://archiveofourown.org/users/krispy_kream/pseuds/krispy_kream
Summary: Seven years of friendship versus seven minutes in heaven.





	#94 Truth or Dare

“Dare.”

“I dare you to… Wear your shirt as pants for the next hour.”

“Jesus.”

“Okay, thirty minutes.”

“Yeol, that’s the stupidest dare I’ve ever heard.”

“I can’t think of anything!”

“At least I wore a big shirt…”

“Anyway, spin the fucking bottle, Kyungsoo!”

“Truth or dare, Chanyeol.”

“Truth!”

“You are literally incapable of keeping secrets.”

“I know, that’s why it’s safe.”

“Tell us what your last sex dream was about.”

“Shit…”

Baekhyun and Jongdae barrel into each other laughing. The four of them have dared each other plenty over the years, to hop fences and eat bugs, and shared with each other every kind of secret worth keeping, of abusive adults and deep seeded fears, that playing truth or dare was basically pointless. But when Chanyeol had come upstairs with a fat grin and a six-pack he’d knicked from his parent’s restaurant he hadn’t left much room to say so.

Besides, it’s their last night as high school students. It feels only right that they should indulge in that most sacred of high school past times, even if none of them have played before.

“Sounds faaaaaaake,” Baekhyun whines, cutting off Chanyeol’s lackluster description.

“I swear it was no one familiar! Dreams are too hazy for that!”

“Spin again, Chanyeol.”

The bottle spins and points towards Jongdae.

“Dare,” Jongdae says with an easy smile that looks like he doesn’t fear god.

“Think of a good one this time, man.”

Chanyeol scrunches his face as he thinks for an annoyingly long moment. Then he slaps his knee as the idea hits him.

“Got it! Seven minutes in heaven.”

Baekhyun’s heart hops into his throat. They’ve dared each other to do a lot of stupid shit but it’s never been anything… intimate. Sexual. Experiment-y. He didn’t think they were the kind of people who needed to do that, never really thought of any of them as candidates for kissing practice regardless of how close they all are. They’re like… brothers. Isn’t this weird?

But Jongdae just laughs, light hearted, and asks, “With who?”

“Let fate decide,” Chanyeol says with a wide sweeping motion towards the bottle between them.

“Alright,” Jongdae says, but his spins are always weak as shit and it barely makes one full rotation before the mouth of the bottle stops at…

Baekhyun.

Baekhyun’s whole head goes numb.

“Oh ho _ho_,” Jongdae croons, elbowing Baekhyun out his his trance. “My brother from another mother, you ready to get busy in the closet?”

“I’m putting my pants back on,” Kyungsoo mumbles. Then adds, “My closet doesn’t have room.”

“We can use the bathroom, it’s small enough,” Chanyeol says, already getting to his feet.

No one else is having the existential crisis Baekhyun is having and so he has no choice but to go blank and follow along, making himself feel weirdly detached from the whole affair. Maybe they won’t even kiss. Even Jongdae had called them brothers, maybe they’d play footsie as a joke and then talk about the Hulk for seven minutes.

Kyungsoo sets a timer on his phone and Chanyeol waves as he holds the door open for them.

“Try to be decent by the time we let you out,” he teases, weirdly proud of himself. Baekhyun pretends to sock him in the solar plexus, but he can’t hit too hard or he’ll give away how legitimately freaked out he is.

Everyone is being so cool about it. He can be cool too, it’s cool, everything is chill.

The door closes on them and Baekhyun’s heart is hammering so hard he’s pretty sure he’s about to hyperventilate.

“This is spacious after the shit we’ve gotten up to,” Jongdae muses as he hops up onto the counter. “...Why are you standing against the wall like that, I’m not going to bite you?”

Baekhyun swallows.

“We’re supposed to be kissing. Isn’t that weird?”

“Doesn’t have to be.”

Jongdae has his hands planted on either side of his legs, leaning forward just a tad towards Baekhyun like he’s waiting. It’s the exact same posture Taeyeon had right before Baekhyun had kissed her for the first time, way back during freshman year.

Baekhyun swallows again.

“You want to?”

Jongdae just shrugs. “Seems festive.”

“Festive,” Baekhyun parrots back around the lump in his throat. “Sure.”

Jongdae only smiles at him as Baekhyun takes a tentative step forward, his head thrumming with… he’s not sure. Isn’t this weird? He’s about to kiss his best friend? He doesn’t know how to wrap his head around it but Jongdae reaches out to cup his cheek when he gets close enough and guides Baekhyun to his lips.

Jongdae’s hand feels huge where his fingers curl up around the bottom of his ear and his jaw and cheek have hard edges that keep brushing against Baekhyun’s but the kiss is gentle and tentative. It’s fucking weird, being so close. Maybe if Baekhyun closes his eyes he can stop thinking about how he’s kissing his best friend since middle school and start focusing on the soft glide of their lips as they move together and how warm it feels to pull himself close between Jongdae’s knees.

It works. Baekhyun starts to relax. Jongdae must feel it because his hand slips further up his jaw until he’s cradling the back of Baekhyun’s head to hold him closer and that’s when Jongdae’s mouth starts to open. He sighs as he works Baekhyun’s open and darts his tongue out to swipe along his bottom lip and oh.

Oh, they were taking this seriously, were they?

A fire sparks in Baekhyun’s chest and he loses all sense of where he is and why. He falls into the kiss, leaning forward into Jongdae so that their chests bump. His hands, perched tentatively on Jongdae’s knees, slide up his legs to feel the meat of his thigh in his grip. Jongdae’s body surges up to meet him and they both hum as they press together, Jongdae reaching his arms over Baekhyun’s shoulder to loop around and hold them close. Baekhyun bites and nips at his lips, catching Jongdae’s bottom lip and sucking it into his mouth. Jongdae _melts_ into it with a sigh that sounds like a moan and the possessive fire that burns in Baekhyun’s gut flares at the sound.

He’s intoxicated. He wants more, more of everything. His teeth gnash relentlessly and he feels a growl coming up his throat. Everything feels warm as Jongdae holds himself pliant against him, encouraging him with small sounds that come out as whimpers. Jongdae’s foot has hooked around Baekhyun’s knee and Baekhyun's thumb plays a dangerous game with the hem of Jongdae’s shirt.

Right when they’re on the precipice of falling even deeper into each other Jongdae pulls back. He slides a hand back over Baekhyun’s shoulder and pushes him away just out of reach. Baekhyun chases his lips as he blinks, confused.

“They’re about to open the door,” Jongdae whispers.

There, right in front of him, is his best friend since they were eleven and on their first day of middle school. His best friend whose lips are swollen red because of him, who looks up at him through his lashes with half lidded eyes, whose smile is small and soft and dangerously inviting.

His best friend who he wants to kiss again.

Chanyeol swings the door open with a, “Hah!” right on cue. He immediately whines about missing the show and Jongdae laughs like it’s some game they’ve played for years. But Baekhyun just stares, his mind reeling, his breath stalling.

He doesn’t want to stop. Close the door, he wasn’t done, he was about to run his fingers up Jongdae’s back to feel the heat of his skin on his fingertips. He was about to pull him forward by his ass until his legs wrapped around him. He was about to suck his bottom lip into his mouth and roll their bodies together until Jongdae threw his head back and moaned for him.

He shouldn’t want to do any of that with his best friend but he _does_. How much of this was momentary arousal and how much of it has always been buried in his heart…?

They go back to Kyungsoo’s room but they only last a couple more rounds before they get bored and move on from Truth or Dare. No one else kisses anybody and nobody dares Baekhyun to describe how good it felt to make out with his best goddamn friend.

\---

The summer break they spend together is one of the best they’ve ever had. There are beach trips and camping and game marathons that last into the small hours of the morning. There’s a sleepover at least once a week and it’s only in the quiet solitude of being awake while everyone else is asleep that Baekhyun wonders what the fuck happened to him the night they played truth or dare.

Summer fades into fall far too quickly for anyone’s liking and, for all their celebrating that school was over, it feels exactly the same to show up at the city college for the first day of classes. The four of them are still inseparable and Baekhyun still feels more comfortable with them than anyone else in his life, but now he also occasionally steals glances at Jongdae and thinks about kissing him and sometimes has dreams about being alone in a small space with him again.

It’s weird. Actually, nothing is weird and that’s what’s fucking weird about it. It's so easy to just be friends around Jongdae, so easy to act as if nothing happened like their relationship is as solid as the pyramids of Giza. It's when he's alone and thinking that the memories twist his thoughts and churn in his chest.

Is he… gay? Is he Jongdae-sexual? Is he interested in Jongdae specifically or is this just him being an affection starved moron? He doesn't think that's quite it, not when the memory of how Jongdae had looked at him sets his blood boiling. But if he has feelings for his best friend, what the fuck is he supposed to do about it?

It's worse when he's alone with Jongdae when they part ways, when it's just Baekhyun there for him to smile and say, “see you later,” to, when he runs his hand down Baekhyun’s arm and leaves goosebumps in his wake. It's stupid that the aftermath of such a simple touch can set him off like this, but that's just more evidence for the dumpster fire that is this situation.

He wants to kiss him. He wants to kiss him so bad, wants to run his fingers along his skin, wants to let himself look when they’re both shirtless at the beach, wants to sit beside him at every opportunity and hook their feet together under the table.

Shit. Baekhyun covers his mouth with his hand as he slouches against the picnic table, suddenly nervous that his thoughts will show on the twisted line of his lips.

That’s the state Chanyeol finds him in when he comes to join him after his lab.

“Whoa, are you okay?” Chanyeol asks immediately, swinging his leg over the bench and letting his pack slide halfway across the table when he comes to sit beside him.

Baekhyun scrubs at his face to try and wipe away the evidence of how stupid he feels.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” he says, but it sounds hollow even to him.

“What’s wrong? C’mon, tell me.”

“I,” Baekhyun starts, but he doesn’t know how to say it. Should he even talk about it? Gossip about kissing Jongdae behind his back? Drive this stake into the rock of their friendship and risk the cracks affecting everyone? But they all tell each other everything, that’s what makes them all so important to each other.

Plus, he needs a second opinion before his head explodes.

“I think I’m,” he swallows. “I mean I have. I think I have a crush on. On a guy.”

“Oh,” Chanyeol says, not even flinching, already braced for the impact of a heavy topic. “You think you’re gay?”

“I don’t know,” Baekhyun says quickly. “It might just be this one guy.”

“Who is it?”

Baekhyun’s chest squeezes around the name so hard that no sound comes out when he tries.

“Oh holy shit,” Chanyeol says anyway. “I know him, don’t I?”

Baekhyun’s whole body curls in on itself in his shame, even though he knows it’s a dead giveaway.

“Oh, I know him well,” Chanyeol realizes. Then something clicks and he leans in close to whisper, “Jongdae?”

“You’re the one who made us kiss for seven minutes in Kyungsoo’s bathroom!” Baekhyun snaps.

Chanyeol backs off, his hands raised.

“Dude, I’m sorry, I didn’t know-”

“No, it’s not your fault,” Baekhyun groans as he drops his head into his hands. The memory of the dare floods back into his mind’s eye like it always does and it tears a harsh sigh from his throat. “We should have just laughed it off and joked around for seven minutes instead of—instead of kissing like _that._”

“Like what?”

“Like we meant it.”

Chanyeol just watches him for a second, takes in the information, processes it. Baekhyun would elaborate for him but he’s been wrestling with this bullshit for so long that his thoughts are too tangled, he wouldn’t know where to start.

“Well,” Chanyeol finally says after a moment, “maybe he did mean it. Maybe Jongdae has feelings for you too.”

Baekhyun barks a laugh.

“I don’t know if that’s better or worse.”

“What do you mean?”

Baekhyun rakes his hands through his hair, stressed out just by the possibility and unable to completely dismiss it.

“I mean, after all our bro jokes and no homos, if he’s always had a crush on me then I’ve been breaking his heart for who knows how long!”

“That’s not that big a deal,” Chanyeol tries to say.

“It is!” Baekhyun snaps. He turns sideways on the bench to speak, low and serious. “Chanyeol, listen, we’re close, okay? Don’t be offended. But _Jongdae_, he’s-”

“He’s your brother.”

“I care about him more than anyone. If I’ve been _hurting_ him-”

“Maybe he doesn’t have feelings for you!” Chanyeol tries, placatingly.

Baekhyun whines and lets his head fall to the table.

“He probably doesn’t. The whole time he acted like kissing didn’t really matter, he’s cucumber cool about everything. If he were about to makeout with someone he was interested in you’d think he’d, I don’t know. Be awkward. Say something.”

For some reason, Chanyeol frowns.

“Dude, he never says anything about anything. We barely got him to talk about his parents pressuring him about med school, when was he gonna tell us if he were gay?”

Goddamnit, Chanyeol has a point. Jongdae never gives voice to his worries, he just sequesters them away behind a very convincing smile. But just because he hides them well doesn’t mean he doesn’t worry.

Baekhyun fake cries into the table just to get his frustration out.

“How am I supposed to figure anything out like this!!” he whines.

“We could always shove you in a closet and see if he wants to kiss you again,” Chanyeol offers.

Baekhyun perks up immediately.

“Baekhyun, no, even I know that’s a dumbass idea, stop.”

“I just want to kiss him agaaaaiin, Chanyeooool!”

\---

Baekhyun feels he has no choice but to broach the subject, however roundabout the method. That is how incessant the thoughts are at this point.

“What is up my soul brother.”

Jongdae just smiles at him like normal. Baekhyun is the one who’s been thinking deep thoughts and having awkward talks, Jongdae has no reason to be on edge. Not yet, anyway.

But the tension must show on Baekhyun’s face because Jongdae tilts his head and asks very slowly, “Is there… something bothering you…?”

_A lot of things_, he could say. Doing his stats homework feels like a crap chute, he’s not sure how they’re going to make Kyungsoo survive four semesters here, he doesn’t feel good about his prospects in music anymore, he wants to make out with his best friend, et cetera. But, despite how he’s been hyper-fixated on this crush of his, there’s one thing that bothers him above all else.

“You can tell me anything, you know?” Baekhyun finally says.

“What’s this all of a sudden?” Jongdae asks with the breath of a laugh that’s half surprise, but also probably half guilt.

“I don’t know, you don’t talk to us about any of your problems,” Baekhyun tells him. “I worry about you sometimes.”

Jongdae’s eyes drop to his hands.

“I don’t want to burden any of you with things you can’t help.”

“Dammit that’s not the point,” Baekhyun huffs. “We couldn’t do anything about Chanyeol’s anxiety about getting his wisdom teeth pulled but he told us about it anyway. It’s about sharing the weight. Let us help you.”

It takes him a moment, but Jongdae looks at Baekhyun again, holds his gaze and considers him seriously. He doesn’t laugh him off. He doesn’t say there’s nothing.

“… It goes both ways, you know. You can tell me anything too.”

Baekhyun sighs.

“I already do,” he says, even if it’s a lie in this particular moment. He just wants to focus on Jongdae for once instead of his feelings for him. “I don’t want it to be one sided.”

There’s nothing for a moment, neither of them willing to give up anything they’re holding onto. Baekhyun eventually cracks.

“Are you sure you’re not worried about anything right now?”

When Jongdae smiles, it’s as easy and fond as it always is.

“I’m fine, really. I always feel okay as long as you’re around.”

Butterflies explode in Baekhyun’s chest and he can’t stop the smile that spreads across his face. It’s embarrassing to be so visibly pleased by so simple a statement, but Jongdae has always had this power over him. He’s always been able to make Baekhyun happy with the simplest things.

“... Speaking of me being around places, Chanyeol heard about this party.”

\---

It’s loud and there’s a million people none of them know and Baekhyun is a party person but even he isn’t sure he should be here right now.

But! Baekhyun is a party person! And they’re here at a party so Baekhyun will make sure they have fun.

“So do people do anything at these parties or do we just stand around pretending to be cool?” Jongdae asks as Baekhyun leads them through the house in search of drinks.

“Is spin the bottle still a thing?” Chanyeol asks because he wants Baekhyun to _suffer_.

Ahead of them two people makeout against the doorframe to the kitchen while no one pays them any mind. The four of them hesitate at the sight.

“I think they skip the bottle part,” Kyungsoo offers.

Something about it makes the skin on Baekhyun’s arms prickle. The whole party is setting him on edge; it’s dark, it’s loud, there’s no one familiar and nothing is happening except beer pong and small pockets of people talking so close together that there’s no room to cut in. Baekhyun doesn’t want to succumb to his nerves when everyone else already has, but this party is really testing him.

“Anyway, free alcohol,” he says as they push onward even though none of them really care to drink that much.

They find an empty patch of space to stand in with their drinks and everyone looks awkward and nervous until Baekhyun asks what mutant power they all think would match well with other superheroes. Everyone’s shoulders relax, their smiles return and it almost feels like the night is salvageable.

When the beer pong game just outside gets heated, Chanyeol drags Kyungsoo with him to try to get in on the next round leaving Baekhyun and Jongdae to fend for themselves.

“What on earth made you think this was a good idea?” Jongdae asks as they watch them go, a teasing smile playing on his lips.

“I didn’t, Chanyeol did,” Baekhyun reminds him. “Anyway isn’t this part of the whole college experience? Might as well try it out, right?”

Jongdae hums and brings his drink to his mouth, but it doesn’t look like he drinks much of it. Baekhyun doesn’t want to drink much of his either.

There’s a pause between them for a moment, their silence deafening in the clamor of the party. Baekhyun can’t stop seeing random people making out in corners or sitting in each other’s laps and it’s making him uneasy to be alone with Jongdae. That’s what he hates more than anything, that he feels nervous with Jongdae, with his favorite person in the world. It should be fine, they’re cool, nothing’s changed, they can hang out here alone together. He casts about looking for something to do, for any reason to be at this damn party instead at home with his friends like always, and finds just the opposite.

“Shit, it’s Jaehwan…!”

And that’s the trouble with local colleges, Baekhyun thinks as all his muscles tense, everyone from high school is still there. Especially the people you really never wanted to see again. Jongdae is quick on his feet though, and he tugs Baekhyun out of the living room and back into the entrance hall.

“Did he see you?”

“I don’t know,” Baekhyun admits with a tremor.

“Shit,” Jongdae mutters, casting about for somewhere to hide, but neither of them know this house well. It’s just stairs and the other side of the kitchen in front of them and neither of those options are great. “Come on.”

He drags Baekhyun into the cupboard under the stairs, almost tripping over a bike pump, and Baekhyun hastily closes the door behind them. A string bounces against his face that’s probably attached to a light, but it might give them away. They’re caged in between the coats and a set of golf clubs that don’t give them room to do much more than breathe.

They may be out of the frying pan for now, but it’s hot and Jongdae still has Baekhyun’s wrist in his hand.

“Wow, this is oddly familiar, isn’t it,” Jongdae says with a shaky laugh.

Baekhyun would normally laugh too, but all he can hear is Chanyeol jokingly suggesting that they try shoving themselves into a closet again and… here they are.

“Yeah,” Baekhyun says like a total fucking idiot, like he can’t help it. “Reminds me of seven minutes in heaven.”

Jongdae’s smile falls. So do his eyes.

“… That’s festive,” he says. His breath is hot against Baekhyun’s already warm skin.

“Hm.”

They’re trapped so closely together that it’s too easy to tip closer, to tilt his head and maybe see if kissing Jongdae is as good as he remembers. Jongdae takes in a sharp breath and turns his head to match, staring hard at Baekhyun’s lips like he’s hypnotised.

“… Baek-”

The door opens in a rush of air and light. Baekhyun straightens immediately and turns to find two girls he doesn’t know staring back at him. They start to laugh, one incredulously on the verge of yelling, and Jongdae takes the opening to bolt towards the front door. Baekhyun yelps and takes off after him. The girl’s yell follows him but she doesn’t make it past the mess of shoes and coats that line the hall and Baekhyun leaps out into the safety of the front lawn.

It’s not cold out, but it’s not oppressively hot and that in itself is a relief. Jongdae hadn’t gone far, he’d just wanted out, and now he stands awkwardly in the middle of a yard that’s not his. A few people watch as they hang by the door but only Baekhyun approaches him. By the hard line of Jongdae’s shoulders and how he has his arms wrapped around himself, even that might be unwelcome.

“Jongdae! Shit, I’m sorry,” he calls as he catches up.

Jongdae shakes his head and flashes him a shaky smile like he’s trying to pretend everything is fine. But breathing through his nose doesn’t hide how hard those breaths are coming and rubbing his arms doesn’t make the shivering stop. The music and the chatter of the house leak out through the windows, still shaking their lungs in their ribs. Jongdae grimaces like his head hurts.

“... There’s water in my car and it’ll be quieter, c’mon,” Baekhyun says.

Jongdae just nods, his mouth pressed into a thin line like he doesn’t want to speak. Baekhyun isn’t sure he should touch him after everything but he holds his arm out like he will and Jongdae falls into it. Jongdae isn’t much for crowds, but Baekhyun is still a safe space. That, more than anything, is a relief.

They clamor into the old sedan, Baekhyun in the driver seat and Jongdae in shotgun like they always are. It feels normal, natural. Jongdae lets out a long breath and his shoulders finally relax.

“You alright?” Baekhyun asks tentatively.

“Yeah, I’m—it’s fine,” Jongdae tells him. He sighs again. “Just a lot of people.”

“Yeah,” Baekhyun agrees. It really was. College parties were something else.

There’s a pause. It feels almost too quiet now, though he’d have to drive a ways to escape the pound of the bass. Baekhyun’s head still rings.

“… Sorry. I said some weird shit in the closet just now.”

Jongdae’s breath catches and he’s completely still for a tense moment before he forces out an, “Oh…”

The air feels oppressively tight all of a sudden, like the car is so much smaller than it is. It’s more spacious than a closet but they’re in close quarters again. It itches in Baekhyun’s fingers and tingles on his lips and that, in turn, churns hot and shameful in his chest.

“Were you going to kiss me?” Jongdae eventually asks, the words tight like he really doesn’t want to know.

“… Yeah,” Baekhyun admits.

“Because of the—the seven minutes in heaven thing? Is that just our joke now?” He asks. And Jongdae, their Jongdae, kindhearted Jongdae who never gets truly mad, who punches you once to set you straight and is done with it, Jongdae seethes like the idea physically hurts him. His words carry a venom Baekhyun has never heard before.

There’s too much to explain swirling in Baekhyun’s head and too much buried in the acid of Jongdae’s words that Baekhyun can only manage the shortest, straightest answer.

“No.”

They’re silent again. Jongdae doesn’t look at him. The urge to kiss gets buried under a desire to hold Jongdae’s hand, to make him calm and happy again. It’s the feeling, ever present, that he should have focused on from the start.

“...We can just go, I can take you home, I know you’re not a party person.”

“Yeah,” Jongdae agrees, his eyes still trained towards his knees but the malice, the hurt, is gone. “You—you can stay over at my place. I’ll venmo Chanyeol some cash and they can fucking uber or something, I want to go home.”

“Alright,” Baekhyun says and fires up the engine.

The drive, the forced normalcy, it helps. Baekhyun just focuses on driving while the radio and the air moving around them makes the car feel less small. Jongdae slouches in the seat like he sometimes does, props up his feet on the dash and looks out the window as the streetlights pass. It feels like a regular Saturday by the time they pull up to Jongdae’s house and climb out of the car. It’s a familiar rhythm, one they fall into automatically; waving to Jongdae’s parents as they pass them in the living room, skipping the creaky third step up the stairs, and Jongdae pulling out Baekhyun’s extra toothbrush they keep in the bottom drawer.

“I still think the funniest thing about our friendship is that we all own four fucking toothbrushes,” Baekhyun says with a grin as he takes it.

“I think it’s weird you have underwear at all our houses,” Jongdae quips, but a smirk tugs up his lips.

“I need clean underwear, man!”

Jongdae laughs and it sings with ease. The sound never fails to make Baekhyun’s chest feel warm.

It’s still fairly early, but Jongdae makes a beeline for his bed and Baekhyun has no qualms with following. They lay close together, facing each other with their knees knocking and it’s so comfortable and warm that Baekhyun wonders how he ever thought these feelings were anything else.

He waits for a moment as Jongdae’s eyes dart about unseeing, thinking, choosing his words. When he finally speaks it’s nearly a whisper.

“Baekhyun. No one else knows but I…”

He hesitates. Baekhyun reaches out and wraps his hand around Jongdae’s where it rests between them.

“I’m gay,” Jongdae says in a rush as he stares at their hands like he’s tearing off a bandage. “I’m really not interested in girls, it was just pretend, I just wanted to keep fitting in. I didn’t know how to bring it up, I didn’t want to make things weird.”

“It wouldn’t have been weird,” Baekhyun says.

“You don’t know that,” Jongdae shoots back. He sort of curls in on himself and tugs his hand like he wants it back. Baekhyun tightens his grip.

“I would have gotten over it. I care about you too much to let anything come between us like that.”

Jongdae sort of settles back into silence and lets Baekhyun keep holding his hand. He stares at that rather than anywhere else as if it’s an anchor that keeps him from hiding away in the face of admitting he has worries and insecurities just like anyone else. Baekhyun glances down at their hands too and finds it an oddly comforting sight, the way Jongdae’s fingers poke out just beyond Baekhyun’s thumb like they’re safe and bundled up in Baekhyun’s hold. He watches Jongdae turn his hand so he can hook his fingers around Baekhyun’s, clasping their hands together. When Baekhyun looks up he finds Jongdae smiling, small and shy and so goddamn obvious he feels like a moron.

“… Can I ask something stupid?” he finally says into the quiet between them. “Do you have a crush on me?”

Jongdae doesn’t take his eyes off their hands. His mouth opens before he’s ready to speak.

“Yeah…”

“God…” Baekhyun mutters. “I’m sorry for not seeing it. I’m sorry for saying stupid bro shit.”

“You didn’t know-” Jongdae tries to say, shaking his head.

“That’s no excuse.”

Jongdae watches him for a moment before speaking again.

“Can I ask a stupid question too?”

“Yeah.”

“Why did you try to kiss me in the closet earlier?”

Baekhyun’s mouth twists around every stupid, panicked thought that’s swirled around in his head in the months since graduation, but in the end it’s all been perfectly simple.

“Because I want to kiss you again. I can’t stop thinking about you. Listen!” He exclaims, propping himself up on his elbow when he catches Jongdae trying to suppress a laugh. “It’s fucking unfair, you’re so good at kissing, what the fuck is up with that?”

“Lots of wishful thinking?” Jongdae offers around the laughter that bubbles from his chest.

“Hey, last dumb question,” Baekhyun says while Jongdae wrestles with that. “Can I kiss you? Right now?”

“Yeah,” Jongdae says and his lips curl up at the ends in that soft, cute way they always do when he’s happy.

When Baekhyun leans in to catch his lips, Jongdae is nothing like how he was with seven minutes in heaven; his every touch is tentative, shy fingers and careful lips, all the nonchalance from the last time wiped clean by disbelief. He follows Baekhyun’s lead as their mouths shift slowly together in short chaste kisses, holding his breath between each one to savor it.

It’s so fucking endearing Baekhyun feels like he’s about to lose his mind.

“God damnit, I’m gay,” Baekhyun mutters against Jongdae’s lips and he feels them curl with delight.

They fall into each other more fully and Baekhyun tastes something similar to that night in Kyungsoo’s bathroom; an ease like a sigh of relief, a hint of hunger hidden behind playful nips. Jongdae has thought about this for far too long, and now that Baekhyun has spent time thinking about it too he can feel it in the way Jongdae’s mouth moves against his, the way his sighs ghost across his skin, the way his fingers clutch at him every time they move. Baekhyun doesn’t want to let him bottle up anything like this ever again.

“Can I get one more dumb question?” Jongdae asks against his mouth, both hands fisted into Baekhyun’s shirt.

Baekhyun groans just for show and pulls back.

“Ugh, yes, but this is seriously the last one, hurry up.”

“Will you go out with me?”

“Yeah, obviously dumbass, now shut up so I can keep kissing you.”

It's a hassle, trying to kiss someone while they're fucking _laughing_, but Baekhyun is willing to put up with it for Jongdae’s sake.


End file.
